Memories of the Wind.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Irked.
Vexed. Just came back from a chalet and the first thing that I did when I reached home was to rush for the toilet. It is a need. Yet that got my mum pissed already. She could not understand why I could not use the toilet at the mrt. Don't she know that home sweet home is best?
Okay. That was still acceptable.
*mutters something under my breath*
I straight away proceeded to wash all my dirty clothes. Yeah. By hand. Cause the washing machine at home do not need to be called upon for washing duties except for its wonderful drying capabilities. I do not have any major complains though. Washing clothes is one of my forte in my array of household chores that I can be called upon.
Well well. I could not remember any snide remarks from her. But she was busily complaining throughout the entire period.
When I finished washing, I went to help by cleaning the floor. We use cloth to clean the floor instead of mopping the floor. While I was hard at it, she was irritated by the amount of clothes that I have washed because that means wasting a lot of water. In addition, the weather means that clothes take a longer time to dry.
I hear something inside my brain crack. Yes. A few lines must have gone haywire. I almost exploded like a bomb. Yet I kept silent. I inflicted minimal self-harm such that it has a calming effect on me. It works most of the time.
When we feel worse pain, we start to appreciate the fact that what we have to endure through was not that bad. I suppose hitting myself hard on the chest diverted my anger. I could have fared worse by cutting myself. Yet that was not on my agenda. I just wanted to regain a inner state of peace and such self-torture is beyond me.
I am considering the options of moving out. Maybe that would make me more independent and allow me to let us have some time to cool off. We could not finish a conversation without hollering at each other. You know that hurts the throat and I hate that. And maybe that would let me appreciate her more. Ha!
I realise that she never have any positive comments for me in my 20+ years of life. Yet, we know that true concern need not be expressed in verbal terms. However, it sucks not to hear any affirmation. It certainly defiles me when she compared me to the bastard of my father.
Can anyone tell me what fatherly love is? I have never received any pocket money from him. All my report cards are signed by my mum. He does not really know whether I am in secondary school or still studying. Whatever. I do not need him.
Never mind. Just some complains. I have lived with it and I will continue to do so. =)
~~~
I marvel sometimes at the strange phenomenon of me being able to keep on smiling despite the situation. I treat it as a good thing, mind the fact that my grin was a horny representation of my character. LOL!
Going out with myself NOW. I need a short walk to keep me happy.
OOh btw, updates of the chalet coming soon! Yay!!!
Okay. That was still acceptable.
*mutters something under my breath*
I straight away proceeded to wash all my dirty clothes. Yeah. By hand. Cause the washing machine at home do not need to be called upon for washing duties except for its wonderful drying capabilities. I do not have any major complains though. Washing clothes is one of my forte in my array of household chores that I can be called upon.
Well well. I could not remember any snide remarks from her. But she was busily complaining throughout the entire period.
When I finished washing, I went to help by cleaning the floor. We use cloth to clean the floor instead of mopping the floor. While I was hard at it, she was irritated by the amount of clothes that I have washed because that means wasting a lot of water. In addition, the weather means that clothes take a longer time to dry.
I hear something inside my brain crack. Yes. A few lines must have gone haywire. I almost exploded like a bomb. Yet I kept silent. I inflicted minimal self-harm such that it has a calming effect on me. It works most of the time.
When we feel worse pain, we start to appreciate the fact that what we have to endure through was not that bad. I suppose hitting myself hard on the chest diverted my anger. I could have fared worse by cutting myself. Yet that was not on my agenda. I just wanted to regain a inner state of peace and such self-torture is beyond me.
I am considering the options of moving out. Maybe that would make me more independent and allow me to let us have some time to cool off. We could not finish a conversation without hollering at each other. You know that hurts the throat and I hate that. And maybe that would let me appreciate her more. Ha!
I realise that she never have any positive comments for me in my 20+ years of life. Yet, we know that true concern need not be expressed in verbal terms. However, it sucks not to hear any affirmation. It certainly defiles me when she compared me to the bastard of my father.
Can anyone tell me what fatherly love is? I have never received any pocket money from him. All my report cards are signed by my mum. He does not really know whether I am in secondary school or still studying. Whatever. I do not need him.
Never mind. Just some complains. I have lived with it and I will continue to do so. =)
~~~
I marvel sometimes at the strange phenomenon of me being able to keep on smiling despite the situation. I treat it as a good thing, mind the fact that my grin was a horny representation of my character. LOL!
Going out with myself NOW. I need a short walk to keep me happy.
OOh btw, updates of the chalet coming soon! Yay!!!
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