Memories of the Wind.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Mr Smelly Tan and his ...
Notice that the title is not complete. I fainted before I even have the chance to describe myself today. Why did that happen?
Because Mr Smelly Tan is absolutely smelly. I could not bear facing him as I got him upstairs today and I stood with my back facing him while I talked to him. I almost thought I will puke at the smell of him.
He has not used soap to bath for a very long time, a confession that he made when I questioned him with my merciless hands waving over him, the strain in my arms prompting me to strike. No wonder he just looks like shit to me.
I scolded him that being useless is already very bad. He could have at least kept himself clean..Therefore I threatened that I will beat him if he do not wash himself with soap today and he was submissive and meek. It helps to rule him by the fists.
I suppose any wild cats or dogs are more welcome than him. My brother absolutely refuses to sleep in the same room as him. Hence, he is now concussed in my room, sleeping on the hard tiles of the floor rather than the comfort of his bed.
If you feel sorry for Mr Smelly Tan at this point of time, please don't. Save your compassion for more purposeful things. You can sponsor a child instead at Udavum Karangal which is a sponsorship for children in India.
I am Dead serious.
..
Ok, on a lighter note, I would not have minded if he looks like such a cute shit. Haa.
Doggy Poo
All right. Sleep time for me.
Because Mr Smelly Tan is absolutely smelly. I could not bear facing him as I got him upstairs today and I stood with my back facing him while I talked to him. I almost thought I will puke at the smell of him.
He has not used soap to bath for a very long time, a confession that he made when I questioned him with my merciless hands waving over him, the strain in my arms prompting me to strike. No wonder he just looks like shit to me.
I scolded him that being useless is already very bad. He could have at least kept himself clean..Therefore I threatened that I will beat him if he do not wash himself with soap today and he was submissive and meek. It helps to rule him by the fists.
I suppose any wild cats or dogs are more welcome than him. My brother absolutely refuses to sleep in the same room as him. Hence, he is now concussed in my room, sleeping on the hard tiles of the floor rather than the comfort of his bed.
If you feel sorry for Mr Smelly Tan at this point of time, please don't. Save your compassion for more purposeful things. You can sponsor a child instead at Udavum Karangal which is a sponsorship for children in India.
I am Dead serious.
..
Ok, on a lighter note, I would not have minded if he looks like such a cute shit. Haa.
Doggy Poo
All right. Sleep time for me.
Labels: Mr Smelly Tan and his boy.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Mr Smelly tan and his righteous boy
Mr Smelly tan is the one of the most interesting characters in my life though he is a person of few words.
Today, I went downstairs to ask him to come up and he followed me up obediently like a meek zombie. At the rate I am going, I am soon going to feel like a shepherd leading lost sheep. Anyway, the description of him being a zombie is not exaggerating since he always drag his feet as his movements are retarded due to an ailing body mechanism.
During the lift ride, I questioned whether he is going to continue to sleep through his entire life and I told him harshly that he does not have many more good years to live. He stays muted.
When I reached my unit and opened the door for him to come in, my aunt who was barely asleep rushed out of her room and started ranting at the top of the voice and forbid him to come in. None of my business as I retreated to my room for some quiet. As usual Mr smelly tan is muted.
I bid my time till my aunt was sound asleep and I crept out of the house again to fetch Mr Smelly tan back home. WHen I went over to where he was sitting, he looked at me with his usual dazed look and i had to strike him out of that daze by telling to go up.
He replied " Thought she does not want me to go back?"
I said " She's asleep."
Meekly, he started to follow my trail again.
~~~
Much much later, when he has bathed and lying on the ground in his room, I went up to him and addressed him as
“没用的人~”
He acknowledged by asking "what". Hence I handed him a ten dollars note because my brother instructed me to do so. No thanks, he just offered his hand to relieve me of that 10 dollars note's weight.
Bet he must have been pleased with the payout because he went out in less than 10minutes after the deal has been done and announced that he will be sleeping downstairs.
I guess the bences downstairs is more comfy.
Today, I went downstairs to ask him to come up and he followed me up obediently like a meek zombie. At the rate I am going, I am soon going to feel like a shepherd leading lost sheep. Anyway, the description of him being a zombie is not exaggerating since he always drag his feet as his movements are retarded due to an ailing body mechanism.
During the lift ride, I questioned whether he is going to continue to sleep through his entire life and I told him harshly that he does not have many more good years to live. He stays muted.
When I reached my unit and opened the door for him to come in, my aunt who was barely asleep rushed out of her room and started ranting at the top of the voice and forbid him to come in. None of my business as I retreated to my room for some quiet. As usual Mr smelly tan is muted.
I bid my time till my aunt was sound asleep and I crept out of the house again to fetch Mr Smelly tan back home. WHen I went over to where he was sitting, he looked at me with his usual dazed look and i had to strike him out of that daze by telling to go up.
He replied " Thought she does not want me to go back?"
I said " She's asleep."
Meekly, he started to follow my trail again.
~~~
Much much later, when he has bathed and lying on the ground in his room, I went up to him and addressed him as
“没用的人~”
He acknowledged by asking "what". Hence I handed him a ten dollars note because my brother instructed me to do so. No thanks, he just offered his hand to relieve me of that 10 dollars note's weight.
Bet he must have been pleased with the payout because he went out in less than 10minutes after the deal has been done and announced that he will be sleeping downstairs.
I guess the bences downstairs is more comfy.
Labels: Mr Smelly Tan and his boy.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Mr Smelly Tan and his once innocent boy.
I cannot remember many intricate dealings with Mr Smelly tan during my early days except for certain memories that remain etched firmly in my mind. I was a frequent witness of domestic violence at a time when Mr Smelly tan was still leading a normal life as a vegetable seller, my mum alive, and me havent suffered the kismet of being scarred mentally by emotions and physically by numerous pimples.
My mum held order by subjecting Mr Smelly tan to ridicule and constant beating. She has a fondness for using various stances depending on the severity of Mr Smelly tan's crime and the metal cloth hanger is often called upon when the needs called for it. It was executed with such magnificent grace and sleek that I suspect it was the long lost skill, 'The Dog Beating Rod", except the weapon of danger is now the cloth hanger.
According to an inoccent boy, pain was inflicted when there was any hint of disobedience. Mr Smelly tan must have been a real bad boy. Hence, I disliked him, though I forgot that I was not any credible as a good kid myself.
One random afternoon, my mum brought me to visit Mr Smelly tan at work, and she specifically instructed me beforehand to call Mr Smelly tan "Dad". Mission Impossible.
When I reached his workplace, despite my mum urging me on, I absolutely refused to acknowledge Mr Smelly tan, right in front of my paternal aunt. It must have been a real embarassing moment for the adults, but I was just being an inoccent kid. I could not remember if I hav added:
"He's not my dad." or whatsoever.
...
And from then on. I did not once call him dad anymore.
That word sounds both vulgar and gross to me.
No thanks.
Not so innocent anymore.
My mum held order by subjecting Mr Smelly tan to ridicule and constant beating. She has a fondness for using various stances depending on the severity of Mr Smelly tan's crime and the metal cloth hanger is often called upon when the needs called for it. It was executed with such magnificent grace and sleek that I suspect it was the long lost skill, 'The Dog Beating Rod", except the weapon of danger is now the cloth hanger.
According to an inoccent boy, pain was inflicted when there was any hint of disobedience. Mr Smelly tan must have been a real bad boy. Hence, I disliked him, though I forgot that I was not any credible as a good kid myself.
One random afternoon, my mum brought me to visit Mr Smelly tan at work, and she specifically instructed me beforehand to call Mr Smelly tan "Dad". Mission Impossible.
When I reached his workplace, despite my mum urging me on, I absolutely refused to acknowledge Mr Smelly tan, right in front of my paternal aunt. It must have been a real embarassing moment for the adults, but I was just being an inoccent kid. I could not remember if I hav added:
"He's not my dad." or whatsoever.
...
And from then on. I did not once call him dad anymore.
That word sounds both vulgar and gross to me.
No thanks.
Not so innocent anymore.
Labels: Mr Smelly Tan and his boy.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Mr Smelly tan and his not so wicked boy.
I came home rather early today. 9pm and I could see my neighbour's dog peering at me from her locked up cage.
Smelly tan came up with me, and was naturally met with disdain by my aunt. My aunt hates him to the core and wishes that he drops dead at that very second. Hence any washing up for smelly tan can only be done after my aunt retreats to lala land. Or else, she might use her weapon of mass destruction which is her deadly verbal bombs, capable of bombarding every 1ms.
As he "sashayed" into his room, I told him not to lie down on the ground first since he is a fantastic breeding ground for germs. Catch a whiff of his odour and you probably thought that he is the cockroach king. ( Some vagabond out there swears that he has seen cockroaches praying to smelly tan) Ermm, is that funny?
Silence follows.. eh I shall continue.
He seems to understand my instruction and said yes with that "misty" eyes of his. Aww. Perfect. I have seen that more than enough times to know I gave his intelligence more worth than he is due.
I then left the room and went to train my super skill : 铁布衫~ iron clothes. Wahaha. I guess I am a long way to go in prefecting the art of ironing clothes. THE irony is that all the clothes I ironed today do not include mine at all.
Anyway, when I have completed the ardous training, and my aunt is already in lala land, I went in search of Smelly tan in the room. Due to diffusion, the room stinks like hell already. AND dear smelly tan was lying down on the ground, with scant regard to my kind instructions. Therefore I duly raised my voice a bit louder than normal talk to make sure my words registered in his mind.
Me: " Can u ting hua (listen to what I say)? Pls be more guai (obedient)." a tone that fathers normally use to kids.
I shooed him off to the bathing room and I actually got that feeling of gloat rising up like a bubble within my inflated ego. Shiok.
I am not so wicked today, aren't I?
*smiles*
Anyway, I seriously think this resembles Smelly tan. The eyes. Uncanny resemblance. Buahaha..
ps: all these is just a joke, no offence to smelly tan. If I am so vindictive, I would not have allowed him to come upstairs at all.
Smelly tan came up with me, and was naturally met with disdain by my aunt. My aunt hates him to the core and wishes that he drops dead at that very second. Hence any washing up for smelly tan can only be done after my aunt retreats to lala land. Or else, she might use her weapon of mass destruction which is her deadly verbal bombs, capable of bombarding every 1ms.
As he "sashayed" into his room, I told him not to lie down on the ground first since he is a fantastic breeding ground for germs. Catch a whiff of his odour and you probably thought that he is the cockroach king. ( Some vagabond out there swears that he has seen cockroaches praying to smelly tan) Ermm, is that funny?
Silence follows.. eh I shall continue.
He seems to understand my instruction and said yes with that "misty" eyes of his. Aww. Perfect. I have seen that more than enough times to know I gave his intelligence more worth than he is due.
I then left the room and went to train my super skill : 铁布衫~ iron clothes. Wahaha. I guess I am a long way to go in prefecting the art of ironing clothes. THE irony is that all the clothes I ironed today do not include mine at all.
Anyway, when I have completed the ardous training, and my aunt is already in lala land, I went in search of Smelly tan in the room. Due to diffusion, the room stinks like hell already. AND dear smelly tan was lying down on the ground, with scant regard to my kind instructions. Therefore I duly raised my voice a bit louder than normal talk to make sure my words registered in his mind.
Me: " Can u ting hua (listen to what I say)? Pls be more guai (obedient)." a tone that fathers normally use to kids.
I shooed him off to the bathing room and I actually got that feeling of gloat rising up like a bubble within my inflated ego. Shiok.
I am not so wicked today, aren't I?
*smiles*
Anyway, I seriously think this resembles Smelly tan. The eyes. Uncanny resemblance. Buahaha..
ps: all these is just a joke, no offence to smelly tan. If I am so vindictive, I would not have allowed him to come upstairs at all.
Labels: Mr Smelly Tan and his boy.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Mr Smelly tan and his wicked boy.
Though I am able to make it back to the blogging scene for now, I have little reason to rejoice as yet.. My desktop is still spoilt and I am able to make a mini comeback because of the amazing contribution coming from my unreliable laptop. This laptop goes awry by the time it manage to log on to windows live messenger and I marvel at the plucky attempt to maintain a normal state of functioning this time round.
Anyway, this week has been one real hell of a ride. I am really starting to detest coming back home, with the ruckus that my aunt kicks up and all. I find myself avoiding the need to get back home early if possible, and that was totally unnecessary because I have to teach tuition on wednesdays and thursdays, and I normally have events after work on my free weekdays too. However, that comes with a tinge of guilt that is hard to pacify despite the couple of run-ins I had with my aunt because she does treat me quite well. She brews funny tasting drinks for me with rather expensive herbs that remain polite strangers to me throughout my entire life because she knew I have not yet recovered from my sore throat. I am grateful for all that, the trouble taken and all. Well, I do my part, doing household chores during my limited time at home like there was no tomorrow.
If anything was to blame, notwithstanding the fact that my aunt is a difficult person to live with, the other tangible source of conflict is Mr smelly tan. A spurious claim? Your judge.
Who is Mr Smelly tan anyway? He is the living thing whom I have to thank for my other half of my genes and the surname which I have infamously inherited. A fine lineage, I presume. Thankfully, I never inherit his shameless sense of uselessness. Well, he likes to sleep at the void deck and we leave him to be but my brother always asks him to come up at night when the former returned from work and instruct him to bath. I was not that forgiving and I resented this entire idea till last week when my brother "pleaded" with me to get Smelly tan to come upstairs to bath when I am free because I get back home earlier than my brother sometimes.
However, my brother used this sentence which has the desired effect on me.
"No matter what, he is still a man."
All right, I accept this. Be it amoeba or man, it is fitting to be compassionate.
Hence I acted my role as a filial son this week by "laying the red carpet" and invite Smelly tan home whenever I can. My aunt's natural reaction to Smelly Tan when she sees or smells him is instant hatred and a insatisable thirst for his blood.
I tried to talk her around by using the concept of forgive and forget, yet she was infuriated by my feeble yet noble attempt to cease her non stop fire. (smelly tan will not retaliate or react, he is just like a walking vege.) As a matter of fact, she got angry at me for talking back to her and voices were raised often.. She still cries very often too.
* Sighs *
Smelly tan gets on my nerves too. As the name suggests, he is really smelly. He seems to salivate uncontrollably like some dogs and his saliva gives off a stench so strong that it could have probably put a baby elephant to "sleep". The only reason why we could stand it is the highly rated adaptability that we human beings possess.
Just a few days ago, smelly tan's saliva on the floor while he was sleeping was met with utter disgust by my brother. Ants are attracted to the yellow pus-like substance called "smelly tan's saliva". Freaking freaky.
.....
I have a whole lot to whine about, but not now anymore. I do not want to kiss my sleeping time goodbye.
That's all folks.
Anyway, this week has been one real hell of a ride. I am really starting to detest coming back home, with the ruckus that my aunt kicks up and all. I find myself avoiding the need to get back home early if possible, and that was totally unnecessary because I have to teach tuition on wednesdays and thursdays, and I normally have events after work on my free weekdays too. However, that comes with a tinge of guilt that is hard to pacify despite the couple of run-ins I had with my aunt because she does treat me quite well. She brews funny tasting drinks for me with rather expensive herbs that remain polite strangers to me throughout my entire life because she knew I have not yet recovered from my sore throat. I am grateful for all that, the trouble taken and all. Well, I do my part, doing household chores during my limited time at home like there was no tomorrow.
If anything was to blame, notwithstanding the fact that my aunt is a difficult person to live with, the other tangible source of conflict is Mr smelly tan. A spurious claim? Your judge.
Who is Mr Smelly tan anyway? He is the living thing whom I have to thank for my other half of my genes and the surname which I have infamously inherited. A fine lineage, I presume. Thankfully, I never inherit his shameless sense of uselessness. Well, he likes to sleep at the void deck and we leave him to be but my brother always asks him to come up at night when the former returned from work and instruct him to bath. I was not that forgiving and I resented this entire idea till last week when my brother "pleaded" with me to get Smelly tan to come upstairs to bath when I am free because I get back home earlier than my brother sometimes.
However, my brother used this sentence which has the desired effect on me.
"No matter what, he is still a man."
All right, I accept this. Be it amoeba or man, it is fitting to be compassionate.
Hence I acted my role as a filial son this week by "laying the red carpet" and invite Smelly tan home whenever I can. My aunt's natural reaction to Smelly Tan when she sees or smells him is instant hatred and a insatisable thirst for his blood.
I tried to talk her around by using the concept of forgive and forget, yet she was infuriated by my feeble yet noble attempt to cease her non stop fire. (smelly tan will not retaliate or react, he is just like a walking vege.) As a matter of fact, she got angry at me for talking back to her and voices were raised often.. She still cries very often too.
* Sighs *
Smelly tan gets on my nerves too. As the name suggests, he is really smelly. He seems to salivate uncontrollably like some dogs and his saliva gives off a stench so strong that it could have probably put a baby elephant to "sleep". The only reason why we could stand it is the highly rated adaptability that we human beings possess.
Just a few days ago, smelly tan's saliva on the floor while he was sleeping was met with utter disgust by my brother. Ants are attracted to the yellow pus-like substance called "smelly tan's saliva". Freaking freaky.
.....
I have a whole lot to whine about, but not now anymore. I do not want to kiss my sleeping time goodbye.
That's all folks.
Labels: Mr Smelly Tan and his boy.
